Keeping It In Perspective This Time Of Year

Liya & I Dancing at Natalie & Jonathan's Wedding

Happy Sunday Evening!  Usually, I write about running but tonight a little departure given the time of year. Here goes...

Blood curdling scream.  My eyes dart open. I look at my phone.  4:36a on Monday morning.  Liya is awake and crying with a more urgent tone than the typical middle of the night cry.  Sarah, as usual, offers to get up and try to get her back to sleep.  In our house, Sarah is the sleep genie.  I said, "no, it's my turn.  You always get up." And with that, I head downstairs.  

I walk into Liya's room and she is in full meltdown mode.  I enter the room and she yells my name, "Daddy."  I pick her up, kiss her forehead, give her a hug, and we sit still for a minute.  I try to lay her down with me on the couch in her room, but that results in the end to the cease cry.  Crying resumes and I quickly stand back up with her.  Crying stops.  Myles enters Liya's room to see what is a matter.  While he plays the role of "aloof big brother," I know he actually cares about her.  I say to Myles and Liya, "come on, let's go" as I gesture to the hallway.  We walk to the kitchen and let Myles out the backdoor to potty.  Lights are still off in the house, but the prettiest of full moons is illuminating the night sky.  Liya and I watch Myles from the kitchen window as he conducts his morning business. I'm tired and worn out from the early move-in from the day before.  However, as I'm holding Liya in my left arm and as I feel her "don't let me go grip" around that same arm, I am consumed with a feeling of joy despite wishing I was still asleep.  All I can think about is the parents that I watched drop off their first-year students just 15 hours earlier and how they must feel.  I bet any and all of them would have traded places with me just to have one more moment like I was having with Liya. And...as Myles approached the backdoor to be let in, I thought to myself "in 16 years I'll be looking out this window at 4:36a begging for this moment back.  We did not go back to sleep on that day, but we had a glorious morning of eating breakfast, watching Sophia the First, and just being together on a random early Monday morning in August.

Tomorrow beings move-in week for my team at IUPUI, and many of my friends and colleagues have already moved students in their buildings.  For Housing Professionals, this is the wackiest, zaniest, and most action packed time of the year.  Emotions are high.  Parents are quick to yell and lose their cool. It can be downright stressful.  This year, though, I am going to remember 4:36a last Monday and try to put myself in the parent's shoes who is dropping off their child to us.  Yes, for me that student that they are dropping off may be an 18 year old ready for college, but for them their student is that 20 month old that they comforted in the middle of the night all those years ago.  That is how they see their kid. And...I have to say I get it.  I did not used to get it, but now I do.  You see, I'll never be capable of seeing Liya as anything other than that beautiful, brown eyed 20 month-old that thinks her Mom and I hung the moon and are super humans.  Right now to her, we are it.  We are cool.  We are funny.  It's intoxicating.  I was telling the RA's the other day that every single day since she's been born I've woken up like a kid on their birthday.  It's amazing.  So, as I head into this week, 4:36a shall be my frame of reference and that will help me give my best to the students, parents, families and friends who we will welcome this week.

Thank you for taking time to read my blog.  I am coming off three consecutive days of running with Liya.  The Skillman Pack (Liya, Myles--yes he sits in the basket of the the stroller) even ran a 6:32 mile on Saturday.  We are getting faster.  Have a great week and do not forget to enjoy every second of it.  

Comebacks...

Happy Tuesday to you.  I've been enjoying the past couple of months of running and now have run 38 times since May 26.  Last week I ran about 24 miles, which seemed impossible two months ago.  I guess you could say I am in the midst of another running comeback.  

I don't think there are many things that Americans love more than a comeback story.  How many times do you see a politician or a sports figure or an entertainment professional go down in a blaze of glory only to be celebrated a couple years later for their amazing comeback?  The ability to comeback is part of our cultural fabric and while we often see highly publicized comeback stories of famous people, I think spirit of what a comeback stands for is actually quite important.  We all need a comeback story if we are honest with ourselves.  We all make mistakes.  We all screw up.  We all have days or months or even years we wish we could take back.  Yet, if we don't think we can comeback, then life can get away from us in a hurry.  

Smiling at Indy Mini Marathon in 2009 (IT Band Comeback)

What I love about running is that it's a great teacher of how to orchestrate a comeback.  By my count, this is my 8th running comeback since beginning my love affair with running 20 years ago.  There was the ankle injury of 1997, the marathon debacle of 2002, the 29 year-old quarter life crisis of 2006, the shin splint fiasco of 2007, the IT Band disaster of 2008-09, the ankle injury of 2009, the post baby comeback of 2013, and the post baby part II comeback of 2014.  That is a lot of running comebacks. While all of my running comeback stories have a different initiator, some great (Being a Father) and some not so good (Injuries and Apathy), the common denominators between them all were the feelings I felt when I was sidelined and when I was trying to get back after it.  The hardest part of the comeback in running is taking the first step.  Literally.  The hardest part is lacing up the shoes and running down the street. For me, after six months or longer of not running, I have internal doubts about whether or not I am really a runner and then I think I look quite ridiculous running after months of not lacing up the shoes.  Do the neighbors think I'm weird?  Do the other runners look at me and think "poser"? Yeah, these thoughts definitely creep in my head.  The second hardest part of the comeback is the two to three weeks of trying to build momentum against worthy adversaries like fatigue, soreness, aches, pains, and balancing my schedule.  All of those adversaries line up and taunt me and try to get me to put the shoes back in the closet.  It's true and sometimes they win.  Finally, though, once I get the positive momentum going and the pain dissipates and the fatigue subsides and I get used to a new schedule, then I'm back and better than ever.  The ultimate result of any running comeback for me may not be that I am faster, especially as I get older. Truly, THE ULTIMATE result of my running comebacks is that I come back mentally stronger knowing that I am capable of rebuilding myself as a runner.  I can be a runner for life with that belief.  For...life!

Of course, rebuilding myself as a runner in no way exceeds the importance of my goals of being a great father, husband, and housing professional at IUPUI.  With that said, what a running comeback allows me to do is practice getting back up after disappointment, a mistake, or even a conflict with another person.  We need opportunities in our lives to practice coming back from times when things do not go our way so that when we face disappointment in our work or personal lives we know we can come back. When I think about the times in my personal or professional life that I have made a jerk of myself or made a mistake, the art of coming back from that resembles what coming back in running looks like. First, there is the acknowledgment of the mistake or role in a disagreement (Like taking the first step in running).  Second, there are worth adversaries, like the long road of rebuilding trust or having an apology rejected, that loom over the path to the comeback and try to halt progress.  They attack your pride and patience and try stop your comeback.  It takes a great deal of mental toughness not to go backwards or to stop, much like the aches, pains, and fatigue try to derail running comebacks. Finally, though, after building momentum and getting back on the right path you wake up one day and your back, often stronger and better than ever.  And...that is so very important and key to our ability to move our lives forward.  Mistakes happen.  Life gets off track. However, it's not the mistakes or getting off track that define us as long as we are strong enough to pursue a comeback.  Running has taught me this lesson time and time again and I use that lesson in my life each day.  I have no idea how long this current comeback will last.  I hope it lasts until I am 105 (My last year on earth, which will be in 2081 for those following at home).  However, what I am sure of is that regardless of how long this current comeback lasts, I am more than capable of getting back on track should I stop running for a short time regardless of the reason.  This gives me peace and also gives me confidence that I can comeback in other areas of life as well.

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog.  I always appreciate it when people read what I have to say.  I get a little nervous putting my thoughts out there because is makes me vulnerable (Brene' Brown would be proud--that's a whole other future blog post), but I figure if my thoughts resonate at all with others then it is worth it.  Have a great week.

Hills Make You Stronger!

Good Morning!  Hope that you are doing well and enjoying life.  I've had the good fortune to run in a couple different places over the past two weeks (Washington DC and Couer d'Alene, Idaho) and the theme that has emerged has been hills--both the hills I run and the hills of life.  Hope that you enjoy.

Hills.  For runners, they pop up at the most inopportune times--usually when we are extraordinarily fatigued--and they try to break us.  In life, hills pop up both expectedly and unexpectedly and they try to block our path and crush our resolve.  Whether you are running or going through your daily life, it is how you respond to the hills that will ultimately define you.  

Tubbs Hill in Couer d'Alene, ID

I've had the opportunity to run quite a few hills over the past two weeks.  In Washington, DC the area I was staying was filled with them. Probably, my favorite set of hills in DC were located in the zoo that was nearby my hotel.  I was able to run up and down the hills and see (and talk) to the animals.  Yes, of course, you know I was saying hello to the elephants, giraffes, and whatever other animals were out and about. This week I have had the opportunity to run (and jump off the cliffs into the water) Tubbs Hills in Coeur d'Alene (see photo). It's a very quick 2500 foot ascent to the top and the views of the lake and foothills are spectacular.  In both cities being willing to climb the hills have brought rewards (Animals and Views) that would not have been there had I not been willing to run them.  Probably, though, the most meaningful hill I have climbed running over the past two weeks is the one small hill on the route in Broadripple that I run with Liya (not many hills in Indianapolis).  As we run that hill I ask Liya, "what do hills make us?"  She is too young to reply and I say to her, "hills make us stronger and we always attack them."  On the down side of the hill I say, "we climb the hills because on the other side is reward."  The message is clear.  Our family attacks the hills.

Life throws a ton of hills our way and often times they seem unconquerable.  The mistake that many make is that they believe they have to conquer the hill all at once.  However, that simply is not true. When you run the way to attack a hill is in short, measured steps while at the same time monitoring your breathing and cutting the pace when your breath leaves you.  You cannot attack a hill with your regular pace or stride.  It simply won't work and you have to make the adjustments.  You attack a hill one step at a time, one section at a time, and before you know it you've won.  However, if you just look at the top and wonder if you can get there, you may not even try.  I've found the same is true in life. When I am presented with a hill, I sometimes get overwhelmed and go down the path of "I can't." However, once I start looking at the problem and develop a step by step approach, then before I know it the problem is solved.  The hill is climbed.

There are a ton of lessons I will need to teach Liya throughout her life and conquering the hills ranks right up there in terms of importance.  Of course, I've started talking to her about attacking hills on our runs, but we've (Sarah and I) already have put that into practice in her daily life.  I recall the first time Liya had an "accident report" at her school and the teacher called me to come over (my office is across the street).  Liya was maybe 6 months old and was trying to crawl (climbing hills already) and she fell on her face and banged up her lip.  Of course, I was a bit nervous on my walk over and was feeling a range of emotion.  No one wants their kid to be hurt.  I walk into the room and say hello to the teachers (who are wonderful by the way).  I went over to Liya and saw her lip was a bit swollen. Internally, my heart was hurting for her and I wanted to swoop her up and save the day.  Instead,  I smiled at her, patted her on the back and said something along the lines of "good job kid."  And I meant it.  I was proud of her.  She tried to crawl and fell down and I'm sure it hurt, but she got back up.  Again, the message was clear.  We attack those hills. 

Have a great day and thank you for taking time to read my thoughts.  Hope that you go find a couple hills to run this weekend.

Slow Down & Enjoy The Present

Hi Daddy!

Hope that you are having a wonderful Saturday. This week has been a great one filled with a few nice runs, some wonderful time with Liya and Sarah, and the celebration of 5 years working in the Office of Housing & Residence Life at IUPUI.  I've enjoyed "my present" this week and that is a good thing.

There was a time when my goals in running revolved around trying to improve my PR's and win road races.  Those who new me during my super competitive era can probably recall the insane dedication to running that bordered, if not crossed the line, on obsessive.  There were countless times when I failed to slow down and enjoy a moment with a friend or a family member because I was so obsessed with getting to my next workout.  I love to compete and I'd be lying if I said that I didn't enjoy being able to run and compete the way that I used to.  I loved it.  However, it came with a price and often times that price was a missed brunch with Sarah or not going out for an adult beverage after work with friends or just having an edgy attitude because I was consumed with competing. While running fast can be part of being a runner, it's not the main the part.  Actually, running is about becoming your best self and when running becomes about something different it can become unhealthy.  Often times over the years when I've become attached to running in an unhealthy way I end up injured.  It's like running karma is saying, "if you are not going to respect running, be considerate of others, and enjoy the present, then you are not going to run."  Without question, every period of my life that I have been dedicated to running in an unbalanced way, I have ended up in an injury timeout and been reminded that running is about enjoying the present and enjoying life's blessings.  Nothing reminds you of that more quickly than not being able to run.

This week has been a busy one and one night I found myself wanting to get to the next task, kind of like when I used to want to get to the next workout.  Liya was grabbing at my leg and trying to get my attention.  When I looked down and saw her beautiful face it was if her eyes were saying, "come on, Dad, pay attention to me."  In a second, my heart dropped and the guilt set in and I felt like a bad Dad. It was in that very brief moment of task mode that I recalled the lesson that running has taught me over and again--the lesson of stopping to enjoy the moment.  So, rather than continuing to plow away at the dishes that could be cleaned after Liya's bedtime, I looked at her, put down what I was doing, and said "let's go play."  Then...Sarah, Liya and I played ring around the roses and I was treated to Liya's laughter and smiling face in the half hour leading up to her bed time.  A few years ago, I may have just kept trying to complete the next task, but not now.  No way.  The present with Liya will only be here for a short time and I'm not missing it so that I can put away another dish, or weed another flower bed, or wipe down the counter top, or even go for a run.  Liya is here now, and her favorite thing is to spend time with her parents and her Myles.  It won't always be that way.  Friends and eventually significant others (maybe when she's 30) will become more enticing than playing ring around the roses with her Mom and Dad.  But right now, Sarah, Myles and I are her favorite people and it's a gift. It's hard for me to slow because I naturally move at a fast pace at work, around the house, and out on the road running. Yet, slowing down and enjoying the present is what brings me the greatest joy.  Ironic that the hardest thing for me to do is also the most important key to enjoying life.  Of all the lessons that running has taught me perhaps the "slow down and enjoy the present lesson" is the most significant.

That is enough for this week.  Until next time, have a great day and make sure to slow down and enjoy your present.

My New Coach

Lesson on Hydration

My running journey has taken many twists and turns since March 1, 1994, when I officially became a runner.  It was on that day that I went out for track and my Coach told me to go run with the distance guys.  Seven miles later Coach Rowe looked at me and said, "you're a distance runner."  Of course, he already knew that, but he needed me to know that.  After three years of trying to get me to join the track and cross country team, I finally started running and I've been a runner ever since.

I am sure many others can relate to this statement:  As we progress in our careers, start families, and take on extra responsibilities our time for running decreases.  There are points when it just nearly becomes impossible.  Or...at the very least seems impossible.  Over the past two years the stretches of not running have far exceeded the stretches of being able to run.  There are a lot of reasons--great ones--for that, but at my core I am a runner and running helps make me...well...me.

On Memorial Day this year Liya was pointing to the french doors located off
of our front porch saying "outside, outside."  As she approached the doors, she pointed to the stroller and kept saying "outside."  It was in this moment that I realized that I had found my new Coach.  She was quite literally encouraging me to go outside and get her moving in that stroller.  So...for the first time in months I laced up my running shoes, put Liya in the stroller, and we ran.  All of a sudden, the doubts about being able to still run and the guilt of not actually even trying to run faded away.   It was joyous and freeing and invigorating.  

Post Run Coaching Session

Over the past four weeks Coach Liya and I have run each Saturday and Sunday morning.  We run all over Broadripple and see new things and take "selfies" and she teaches me about all sorts of things--like woofing at dogs when we pass them or waving and smiling at other runners and walkers. Mostly, though, she has reminded me that I am a runner and that she wants me to share that part of me with her.

I cannot promise that I will blog as regularly as I used to, but I will commit to writing about our running adventures when I have a free moment.  Running together provides a special time for the two of us and it's definitely a turn in my running life that I am loving.  Have a great weekend!  

August Rush

Good Morning!  Just finished up a nice 4.85 mile run on a beautiful morning in Indy.  I've been able to run two days in a row after missing a couple weeks due to the craziness of August, the August Rush if you will.  Now...opening for the residential communities has been completed and our summer projects are nearly complete and I can refocus on adding running back to my life.

This time of year is always tough on housing professionals and I'm sure all professions have a time or two a year where work dominates and it's difficult to run.  For me, the key is not necessarily trying to force running into those times, but to remain committed to picking up running as soon as the craziness has subsided.  Even though I was a bit disappointed that I could not lace up the shoes I didn't allow myself to forget that I'm a runner and I'd pick right back up in August & September.

As I was running today I couldn't help but think I'm at a crossroads.  I am contemplating running a half-marathon in November.  I'm also contemplating just running to run again.  The hardest part for me is finding a time to put running back into my weekly schedule.  I suppose once I figure that out, then it will be easier to determine if I want to try a half again.

Have a great week.  Happy running to you...

21 Months...

Liya & Daddy:  Future Running Partners?

Good Morning!  Enjoyed a nice 5.2 mile run this morning in Indianapolis on the Broadripple tow path.   It is an unseasonably cool day for July and I took full advantage of it.  Nice to be back out there running again. 

21 months.  Let me just be honest about that number.  It's been 21 months since I have had any consistency with running.  I hurt my calf training for a marathon two years ago in October and just have not gotten back into it in a consistent way.  And...I am not at all disappointed or upset because the last 21 months have been some of the best of my life.  I'm a new Dad to a wonderful daughter (Liya), we bought a house, and work has been outstanding.  Now, though, I am mentally ready and physically aching to get back after it again.  The break was nice and needed, but I need running in my life.  It grounds me.  It centers me.  It brings out the best in me. 

I hope to write in this blog a couple times a week to share my journey back to running shape again.  I still have a lot more left in the tank.  More than that, though, should Liya turn out to be a runner like her Daddy, then I want to be able to run with her and to run all over the course at cross country races cheering her on.  A couple years ago on Sunday mornings I would see a Dad and his daughter running together and I could not help but hope that would be me and my daughter some day.  Well..I know have a daughter and she may never enjoy running, but if she does I will be ready.  I look forward to the day when we can go out and run a few miles together and just enjoy the gift that running provides. 

Have a great week!  And...THANK YOU for those who told me they missed this blog.  I hope to be able to get the blog going again too!  Happy running to you...